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On occasion, Jay Spring feels he is “the most exceptional individual alive”. As a diagnosed narcissist, his grandiose moments can become “highly unrealistic”, he explains. You feel invincible and you tell yourself, ‘Everyone’s going to know that I stand above others … I’m destined for greatness for the world’.”

For Spring, these times of heightened ego are usually succeeded by a “emotional downturn”, during which he feels deeply emotional and ashamed about his actions, rendering him especially susceptible to negative feedback from others. He first suspected he might have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) after investigating his behaviors through digital sources – and subsequently diagnosed by a professional. Yet, he is skeptical he would have accepted the diagnosis if he hadn’t already reached that realization personally. “If you try to tell somebody that they have the condition, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he says – most notably if they feel beliefs of dominance. “They’re in a delusional world that they’ve built up. And that world is like, I’m the greatest and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Defining Narcissistic Personality Disorder

While people have been called narcissists for over 100 years, the meaning can be ambiguous what is meant by the diagnosis. “Everyone calls everybody a narcissist,” says a psychology professor, who believes the word is “overused” – but when it comes to a professional assessment, he notes many people conceal it, because of significant negative perception around the disorder. An individual diagnosed will tend to have “an exaggerated self-image”, “impaired compassion”, and “a pattern of manipulating others to enhance their social status through behaviors including seeking admiration,” the professor clarifies. Those with NPD may be “deeply egotistical”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he states.

Emotional connections were never important about anyone really, so I’ve never taken relationships seriously

Gender Differences in Narcissism

Though a significant majority of people diagnosed with NPD are males, studies suggests this figure does not mean there are a lower rate among women, but that narcissism in women is typically appears in the vulnerable narcissism type, which is less commonly diagnosed. “Men’s narcissism tends to be more socially permissible, just kind of like everything in society,” notes a 23-year-old who shares content on her dual diagnosis on social media. Frequently, the two disorders appear together.

Personal Struggles

I find it difficult with receiving negative comments and not being accepted,” she says, since when I’m told that the issue lies with me, I tend to switch to self-protection or I withdraw entirely.” Although experiencing this reaction – which is often called “narcissistic injury”, she has been attempting to address it and take advice from her close relationships, as she doesn’t want to slip into the negative conduct of her earlier years. I used to be manipulative to my partners as a teenager,” she reveals. With professional help, she has been able to mitigate her NPD symptoms, and she explains she and her current boyfriend “have a dynamic where I’ve instructed him, ‘If I say something messed up, when I use toxic language, call it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

She grew up primarily in the care of her father and says she lacked healthy examples in her youth. I’ve had to teach myself all this time what is acceptable versus unacceptable to say in conflicts because it wasn’t modeled for me as a kid,” she says. “Nothing was off-limits when my family members were belittling me when I was growing up.”

Underlying Factors of NPD

Personality disorders tend to be connected with childhood challenges. Genetics play a role,” explains a consultant psychiatrist. But, when someone shows signs of narcissism, it is often “linked to that specific childhood circumstances”. Those traits were “their strategy in some ways to survive at a very early age”, he states, when they may have been ignored, or only shown love that was dependent on meeting certain expectations. They then “continue to use those familiar tactics as adults”.

In common with many of the those diagnosed, one individual thinks his parents “might exhibit similar traits. The 38-year-old explains when he was a child, “everything was all about them and their work and their social life. So it was like, stay out of our way.” When their focus was on him, it came in the form of “intense expectations to achieve academic success and professional advancement, he says, which made him feel that if he didn’t achieve their goals, he wasn’t “good enough”.

When he became an adult, none of his relationships lasted. “I’ve never cared about anyone really,” he states. “So I’ve never taken relationships seriously.” He felt incapable of forming deep connections, until he met his present significant other of three years, who is also dealing with a personality disorder, so, similar to his experience, has difficulty with emotional regulation. She is “really understanding of the internal struggles in my head”, he notes – it was surprisingly, she who originally considered he might have NPD.

Seeking Help

Subsequent to a consultation to his general practitioner, he was directed to a therapist for an evaluation and was given the NPD label. He has been referred for talking therapy via government-funded care (ongoing counseling is the only treatment that has been proven effective NPD patients, specialists note), but has been on the waiting list for an extended period: The estimate was it is probably going to be in a few months.”

Disclosure was limited to a small circle about his condition, because “prejudice is common that all narcissists are abusers”, but, privately, he has embraced the diagnosis. The awareness assists me to gain insight into my behavior, which is beneficial,” he explains. Each individual have come to terms with NPD and are pursuing treatment for it – which is why they agree to talk about it – which is probably not representative of all people with the disorder. But the presence of NPD content creators and the rise of online support communities point to {more narcissists|a growing number